Lots of updates

July 10th was a big anniversary for our family, Brandon has been home with us for 2 years! He loves singing and dancing and he has started making up stories, his imagination is just amazing. He will turn 3 tomorrow and we had his birthday party last night. He was a bit overwhelmed by all the attention but enjoyed his presents and playing with his friends. I also just signed him up for gymnastics and he starts preschool 2 times per week in September.

July 10 was also a big deal because it was the day I found out I was pregnant (#4)! Shocked but excited at the same time as we had just started trying. Because of my past pregnancy history I started going to get my levels checked right away. Things started off really well but, 2 weeks in, they sort of stopped. I went in for an ultrasound and they could only see an empty sac measuring 5 weeks 2 days but I should have been almost 6 weeks. So, we waited a few days and repeated the u/s but nothing had changed. We were devastated again and I was/am so mad that I have been pregnant 4 times but have only given birth to one healthy baby. The next day I had a D&C (again) and 2 weeks later we found out that, based on the chromosomal analysis, we were pregnant with a baby girl. Yes, I needed to know but I think I knew even before they told us the news. So, now I have 2 baby girls in heaven. Will I ever get to parent one here? No one knows the answer to that but I have to wonder. So, now we wait at least 2 months and then we can start trying. I am really trying to adjust my attitude and just focus on the future, no looking back. It works, most of the time. I have 2 healthy wonderful boys that need my attention, love and care here so I cannot wallow in "what ifs".

And, as most of my readers know, August is a another month of big anniversaries. My baby girl would have turned 5 on August 9th. I cannot believe that it has been 5 years. She would have been starting kindergarten tomorrow so that is really hard for me. I miss her terribly and think about her every day. August 10th was also the 5th anniversary of her passing which is always a hard day that was a little harder this year because Patrick was away at a conference in Florida.

On the baby note, I am now the proud aunt of a super handsome baby boy! My sister gave birth to my first nephew August 11th. Teagan James came into this world very dramatically but he and my sister are doing well now! I head home in 6 days with Mr Ryan to meet him and I cannot wait to snuggle him!

I will post more about B's 3rd birthday in a separate post! Look for that coming soon! I promise.